A Ballot Committee of Citizens for Limited Taxation


MetroWest Daily News
Sunday, October 29, 2000

Interview with the vampire 'Letstax'
By Barbara Anderson
Guest columnist

With apologies to Anne Rice, whose new novel in the series which began with "Interview with the Vampire (Lestat)" is now in local bookstores.

Halloween, 2000.

Letstax:  I want to drink your blood.

Anderson:  That's not why we're here. When you asked for equal time on the ballot question to stop the bloodsucking, I offered to interview you if you promised to keep your fangs off my neck.

Letstax:  I didn't promise anything.

Anderson:  There were witnesses.

Letstax:  That was then and this is now. Circumstances change.

Anderson:  You have to keep your word.

Letstax:  I didn't promise and even if I did I've changed my mind and anyhow I'll keep the promise by not sucking anyone else's blood today.

Anderson:  Well that won't do me much good when I'm drained, will it! Stay back, and tell my readers why you oppose Question 4.

Letstax:  It won't let me suck an extra .75 percent of my victims' blood anymore!

Anderson:  It cuts off that .75 percent gradually, so you won't get withdrawal pains, and you'll still get 5 percent of our blood every year.

Letstax:  That's not enough! There can never be enough blood for me!

Anderson:  Well, that's not what you said when you said you were anemic back in 1989, and got the transfusion; you promised the extra blood would be temporary. Then you doubled your total red corpuscles and now you even have a blood bank! You look healthy and well-fed, even a little flushed to me; you don't need the extra blood anymore.

Letstax:  No, but I want it. The Legislature said I can still have it. In fact, the Massachusetts House threw me an all-night party last spring! (I can only go out at night, you know).

Anderson:  Were legislators drinking blood too?

Letstax:  Some drink the taxpayers' blood; others prefer wine and beer. A few objected to my presence, but the leadership let me stay, even after I shaved one sleeping politician's leg to get access to a good vein.

Al Gore:  Can I have an interview, is it my turn to talk? Only the top 1 percent will bleed....

Letstax:  Hey, that's my line. Get outta here, zombie.

Anderson:  Do you have other allies?

Letstax:  Just the usual, the Blood Equity Alliance of Massachusetts (BEAM). Back in 1991, it wanted to give me permanent access to 6.25 percent of my victims's blood, plus another whole percent on the blood sales tax, but the governor had taken that nasty "no new blood" pledge. Then in 1994, BEAM put a constitutional amendment for graduated blood-sucking on the ballot, but the voters said No.

Anderson:  Well, the voters have a chance to stop you again on Nov. 7, with a "Yes" on Question 4.

Letstax:  So I'd better drink while I can. Come here.

Anderson:  You promised.

Letstax:  I lied. Hold still.

Barbara Anderson is co-director of "A Promise to Keep: 5%," a ballot committee supporting Question 4, which rolls back the income tax rate from 5.75 percent to 5 percent.

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