I was thinking about
the odd social conservative obsession with sex, while listening to
debate over the latest Rush Limbaugh foolishness: he called a female
college student a slut and a prostitute because she argued that her
Jesuit university’s health insurance policies should cover birth
control.
She was a 30 year old
law student arguing for the Obama Administration’s position to force
insurance companies to cover contraception (as well as treatment for
cysts and endometriosis). Incredibly, Limbaugh changed the subject
to co-ed sex. Limbaugh apologized. Don Imus called his apology
“lame” and referred to his fellow talk show host as “an insincere
pig.”
Until all this
"civility" happened, I’d thought we were having a valid discussion
about health insurance, and the government telling insurance
companies what to cover, and limiting the choices of customers who
might like cheaper, limited policies. There was a viable argument on
religious freedom in there too. But along came El Rushbo with, among
other things, a bizarre definition of “prostitute.”
The fact that liberal
talk show hosts have said far worse things about conservative women,
with little mainstream media attention, is true, but another debate
entirely. For one thing, they often use the words as a generic
mysogynistic insult that has nothing to do with sexual activity, per
se. This column is about sex.
Long before my
generation knew what sex was, I was confused about it.
We studied the Ten
Commandments in Catholic grade school. The 6th Commandment is “Thou
shalt not commit adultery.” I thought this meant thou shalt not
become a typically irrational adult, which I was willing to avoid.
Before I reached
puberty, I had fallen in love with Walt Disney’s Peter Pan. How
could Wendy, given a chance to stay with him in Neverland, choose to
leave? At the age of 11, I promised Peter I would never grow up, and
I think I’ve kept that promise, spending my political-activist
career fighting the pirates and playing with the Indians. Life has
been fun.
But back to the 6th
Commandment: I eventually learned what adultery is, and that
prohibition made sense; but I wondered why the nuns had included
looking at Playboy Magazine as a sin against the 6th Commandment. So
was going to C movies, i.e., those films Condemned by the Catholic
Legion of Decency.
As with the Forbidden
Books, I kept a mental list of the things I was going to see and
read when I outgrew adult control. Noticed that while some of the C
movies were condemned for violence – e.g., the Clint Eastwood
spaghetti westerns – most of them were condemned for “sex out of
wedlock, nudity, homosexuality, and implication of prostitution.”
(Not to say that today’s movies couldn’t use some Decency).
Many books were
forbidden because they were “sensual, libidinous, or lascivious.” I
didn’t know what the last two words meant, loved Alexandre Dumas’
“The Three Musketeers” for its romance and swashbuckling adventure,
“Les Misérables” for its drama and revolution. It’s not always about
the sex, grown-ups.
Take the issue of gay
marriage. Social conservatives make a great point when they argue
for marriage as the building block of society. They can logically
claim that easy divorce and out-of-wedlock children are a threat to
that ideal, and that divorced people like me are creating societal
problems. But why disapprove of gay couples who, unlike me, want to
be married; especially if they want to have or adopt children within
that wedlock?
Wild guess here: it has
something to do with disapproval of gay sex. By all means, argue
against promiscuity, casual unprotected sex that causes unwanted
pregnancy or disease; but can’t we agree that sex and marriage go
together like a horse and carriage, even when the vehicle is gay?
Probably not. We rarely
hear that some straight married couples do the same things that gay
couples do, just for variety. It’s not all about making babies, Rick
Santorum.
Those of you who
weren’t raised Catholic missed the fascinating discussions about
birth control: bad if “artificial”, OK if timing the monthly cycle
or doing something called “coitus interruptus.” But Sister, if sex
is for making children, aren’t those things bad too? “Barbara, stop
arguing.” But Sister, if marriage is for making children, why can
grandpa get married again to another old lady who can’t have babies?
“Barbara, go to the principal’s office.” Father Donald, how come God
made people who want to have sex anytime, instead of just when they
can get pregnant, like dogs and cats? “I think I hear the bell…..”
Poor Principal Donald;
he did his best to answer my multi-issue questions through four
years of high school, but on birth control, there was no logical
answer. The Church, more tolerant of gambling (Bingo) and alcohol
(communion wine) than some other religions, has just always had a
problem with sex.
Thanks to the First
Amendment, this problem has nothing to do with non-Catholics. The
country needs a more competitive insurance system in which
individuals can join with like-individuals to buy the policies they
want. We need a Catholic Insurance Company, selling policies that
don’t cover things that the Church disapproves, but do cover
pregnancies of (only) married couples. We could have “Planned
Parenthood Insurance Company” policies sold to college students who
want contraception coverage instead of maternity coverage. We
seniors on Medicare don’t need either birth control or pregnancy
coverage, so we don’t have it in our supplemental plans!
The debate this month
should have been about choice and common sense, not sex.