Because of another
incident of global warming, the Legislature's Transportation
Committee postponed its hearing on "An Act Relative to Safe Driving"
that gives driver's licenses to illegal immigrants, though the bill
describes them as "people who are ineligible for Social Security
Double cute. Ignoring,
as usual, the question, "what part of illegal don't you
understand?", it uses a euphemism to give a vague false impression
about the beneficiaries of the bill. Not to mention the title
itself, which implies that illegal immigrants can drive safely only
if they have a license, though they aren't supposed to be driving at
all, since they aren't supposed to be here.
Sigh. I sound
unsympathetic to those who violated our laws just because they just
want a better life for themselves and their families.
I'm tired of being a
mean person. I'm changing my mind to "never mind illegal, let
everyone who wants a better life come here." Welcome all!
So, the U.S. population
is roughly 314 million. Mexico has 121 million people. Many of them
don't want to emigrate: The middle-class family I lived with as an
exchange student never mentioned anything more dramatic than an
opportunity to buy American chocolate, which NAFTA has already
However, say that 10
percent of the Mexican population thinks life would be better here:
that's another 12 million people, added to the presently officially
estimated 12 million illegals. Welcome, all!
Of course we do not
want to be North American-centric. If the poor of Central America
can find a way to cross the southern Mexican border which is tightly
controlled (they'll probably have to pay a border-crossing fee and
promise not to stop until they cross the U.S. border), another share
of that 197 million population will move here.
Next, South America,
total population 386 million. Welcome all, including the Colombian
drug dealers who will meet the Mexican cartel already here. Now, try
to get along, guys.
This is a great
opportunity for the poor in the favelas of Rio. Find yourselves a
ravine to huddle in (the Grand Canyon?) until we can build
subsidized housing for all of you. Meals on Wheels will be right
over for your seniors, and the local school bus will pick up the
kids tomorrow morning. Or, keep moving northeast and you can stay in
a Massachusetts motel at state expense.
So our section of the Western Hemisphere has just acquired over 70
million new citizens (Social Security card hand-delivered, take a
quick oath to uphold the Constitution of the United States, we'll
explain it later if we can find anyone here who knows what it says).
The U.S. Chamber of
Commerce will be dropping by to offer you jobs that Americans don't
want; if there aren't enough the Obama administration will bring
applications for welfare benefits, and a flyer with the names of
candidates it wants you to vote for in the next local, state and
federal election. Gracias a ustedes por su participation en
When you get a car,
you'll get a driver's license, with driving-law instructions in your
language, which we've added to our signage and, when you use the
cellphone Obama gives you, just press 2 for Spanish.
Please get your kids
vaccinated against all the diseases that were once obliterated in
the United States. And drop in at our hospital emergency rooms
anytime. OK, everybody comfy?
Too bad, move over. We
nice people do not want to appear Western Hemispheric-centric and
thereby racist. We are now inviting at least 10 percent of the 1
billion population of Africa to move here. All Americans, old and
new, prepare for more vaccinations. And much bigger road signage,
with more language choices on your cellphones.
Next, Asia, total
population 4.3 billion. May we please skip open-admission from the
Muslim countries (including those in Africa and, anyone engaged in
genocide there), since their radical fundamentalists want to destroy
America? The answer is no, you intolerant Judeo-Christian
xenophobes. So, if we add just 10 percent of all Asians, our U.S.
population would be over 900 million.
But I don't think we'll
see many Chinese or Vietnamese, since their countries may be
starting to look better than ours. North Koreans are on their way
though; anything is better than there!
Europeans and Japanese
are also probably not coming; they're just thinking we have lost our
minds. Wait. Europe has been accepting immigrants from the Muslim
countries, much of it isn't recognizable anymore. Japan and
Australia are getting worried about China; the United States is in
no shape to protect anyone from aggression.
So, depending on who is
escaping where, our population has doubled or even tripled from
2014, when Obama signed the new rainbow immigration law. We've
solved the illegal immigration problem, and all that's left are the
national debt, health care, crime, and environmental concerns, all
of which have been exacerbated by our surging population.
I insist on promoting
"nice" solutions. Borrow more from the new strongest country, China;
give everyone free health care; insist that criminals are just
people whose brains haven't fully developed yet, and ... forget
about the environment, not much left, low-income housing on the
paved-over wetlands; almost a billion Americans require lots of
fuel, water, and waste disposal.
Gee it feels good to be